if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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