You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
