Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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