You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Randomize
