Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
