You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
