I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
