I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
