I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
