I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
