How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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