What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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