I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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