Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
