Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize