Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
