you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
