wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
