margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
