I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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