I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
