I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize