We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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