We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
