do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize