Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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