Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
