My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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