it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
