I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
