totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
