We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
