My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
