Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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