When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
