Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I will die if light touches me.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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