I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
