dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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