I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
