you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
