3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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