To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
