I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
