You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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