why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize