Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The Olympian is in my bed
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