My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
