i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
