i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
