By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
