So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
