hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
