ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
