so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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