break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
