covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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