I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
