Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
