just survived the first fart of the relationship.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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