I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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