I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
