If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Randomize
