If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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