At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm having to shit out rocks
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