I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
