i jhust puked up my retainher.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
