he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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