Your face is a jimmy john
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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