my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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