the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
