Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
