Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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