my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
